I know some of y’all are about to chew my head off, but that’s okay lol hear me out…

Sza’s album came out summer 2017, and I instantly fell in love (I love her 💖). I went home to Boston for Christmas to spend time with my family and friends. Like any other trip, my crew(core friends) always get together to eat, drink, catch up and talk shit. For some reason ,the conversation lead to sza’s album and a particular song called “the weekend”. My sister who is married mentioned not liking the song and that she felt side chicks were being praised; she then continued to add that if a woman knows a man is married or in a relationship and engages in any type of sexual or emotionally relationship with him that woman is to blame and that’s going be a problem aka kick that ass. 🤷🏾‍♀️ I don’t see it that way lol don’t kill me!

I dated this guy for a few months that I knew I shouldn’t have been with. He was a liar, and a serial cheater. But I stayed and blamed the other women everytime he cheated. I made excuses for the situation, even called the other women to confront them (I know, I went badshit crazy). I literally became pathetic and felt ashamed to take him anywhere or talk to my friends and family about him. I made a promise to be faithful and share my body with this man and he did not appreciate nor deserve me. I was too good, too beautiful and too badass to become the other woman. See what happens when you let a man cheat on you and you stay with him, you then become the other woman.

Side chicks/the other woman that is either entertaining your husband or boyfriend emotionally, physically or both is not the one to blame. YOUR MAN is to blame. He made vows to you; he promised to love you, to protect you, and to honor you. The person that should be your issue is your dude! Whether that woman wanted to be his side chick or his main chick if your man does not open that door, she can’t come in. Her job is not to be loyal to you, or to protect your heart, half the time she doesn’t even know you lol. Quite frankly Becky doesn’t owe you shit. We “women” need to stop blaming the other woman for the actions that our men are taking. Fix your issues with your spouse or partner.

We need to take ownership of our situations and the people we decide to be involved with. We need to stop making the other women the issue (I’ve done this, I’m speaking from experience). If you’re married, seek counseling and get help. If you’re dating – RUN! It’s too soon for him to be acting that dumb.

Again don’t judge me, I love y’all 💖

Like myself,  most of my girlfriends are either single or in a relationship and we have a few in between ones (the ones that are kinda seeing someone but haven’t put a label on it.) One evening we decided to go to Lincoln Rd, in Miami Beach to have dinner and like every other conversation we talked about the men and boys (yes, I know I’m petty, but you know I’m right) in our lives. One of my girlfriends mentioned just getting out of a meaningful relationship and didn’t want anything serious but she felt like the more she talked to this current guy the more she started to have feelings for him. Keep in mind she was very much aware that this current guy may not feel the same way about her.

As the conversation progressed, I ask her honestly what she wanted out of this current situation she replied, I want a casual thing nothing serious, I then told her honestly “girl, just take it for what it is.” Some would say, what do you mean by that Derby? Let me break it down.

Stop analyzing every message, every single word, and gesture. Take a “hello” for simply just a “hello”. The fact that he texts you all day Tuesday may just mean he had extra time on his hands that day and he wanted someone to talk to. It does not mean he wants to continue this pattern every single day, it does not mean he wants to be your boyfriend either. The fact that he took you out that night and you met his friends does not mean he wants to take things to next level because you met his friends, it does not mean the next step is meeting his parents lol. It may just be that he wanted to be around you and his friends that specific night. Be in the present, if today he texts you all day and makes plans to catch a movie – go and watch the movie and enjoy being in someone else’s company. But keep in mind tomorrow he may go ghost on you. Stop planning a future with a dude that was simply supposed to send you a few texts, take you on a few dates, possibly blow your back out and put a smile on your face. Take this day, this text, this date for what it is and nothing more. Enjoy the moment, girl you deserve to.

Be in the present and not the future. TAKE IT FOR WHAT IT IS…